I need you
by Shadows of Light
Summary: Elk suffers some emotional problems after Shu's 'Death' that aren't resolved when he turns out to be alive. More or less fluff, though slight shonen ai. That's the only thing making this PG.


Elk Kovaraple was a hunter, a man among men, so of course sleeping on the tiny worn out couch wasn't exactly problematically uncomfortable. But that didn't stop the young brunette from tossing and turning about on the squeaky couch in Shu's apartment. Lieza lie sleeping in the bed across the room where he'd remembered sleeping in for all the years he'd lived with Shu.   
Her breathing was even as she hugged onto her pillow and muttered softly now and then, an innocent smile gracing her face as she slept. Which was all very different from the ninja who sat against the wall with his eyes closed, so still it was questionable as to if he was even breathing at all.   
'Uhg..' Elk rolled over again, trying to get a different view of the room, trying to take his thoughts from something other then the stress that had been drilling into him over the past few days, thinking that Shu had died. He could have killed Shu. He could have been so blinded by rage that he'd have killed an innocent girl whom he'd been so keen on protecting.   
'Dammit...' Elk thrashed in the bed, pulling the covers around him more tightly, starring up at the familiar ceiling. Thinking about how he could have killed Shu wasn't much better then thinking about the fact that Shu didn't consider his stress. He'd been alive throughout all of it... Oh, sure he'd gotten some useful information but ..  
'But who really cared about information?!' He thought. 'Taking advantage of his own death my ass... Don't you give a damn enough about me to let me know you're alright? Not dead, at the very least? Did you just think I'd be able to go on cheerfully on this whole...thing?' He gave an exasperated sigh either at Shu's being too dense to see that he needed him or maybe just not caring or at himself thinking these thoughts again or his inability to get comfortable. 'I wanna find out about my past... Yeah. But you're the reason I'm alive now to have the past be my past. I need you NOW. You're the one that keeps me from drowning in daydreams of the torment that haunt me at night... You're the one who lives with such a detachment from his own past... I. Need. You. Now. You give the present meaning. You saved my life and GAVE me the present...' It was no use. He wasn't getting any sleep until he'd cleared his head. The boy huffily tossed the blanket to the side and pushed himself from the couch, quietly walking to the door and stepping outside.   
The hallway was dully quiet. He took a few paces, counting them to keep his mind off of Shu. Fifteen. To keep his mind out of a state of rapture of Shu being alive. Twenty-five. Because it always led back. Thirty-two. To the fact. Thirty-seven. That Shu abandon him. Forty-five. He clenched a fist and whirled around, picking up his pace as he went in circles. 'What the fuck was he thinking? That he could just 'die' and come back and there'd be no problems in between?!'  
"I'm sorry."  
Elk jumped in surprise, falling back onto his rear end with a yelp. "Shu!" He exclaimed with a mixture of surpirse and relief. He hadn't heard him step out. 'Christ, him and those fucking Ninja skills.. how long's he been there?'  
The ninja was quite sure he heard him the first time and didn't bother to repeat himself as he instinctively stepped over to offer him a hand up. The fifteen year old took ahold of it and jerked himself up, burshing himself off.   
"So, what're you doin' out here this late?"  
He was answered with silence and the cocking of an eyebrow.   
"Me? I'm just out for some fresh air... lotta stress lately, ya know."  
"You're not the type to stress easily." He commented, as if he knew the source of his stress, as if to clarify what his apology was for.  
"Well, you're not the type to just DIE!" Elk snapped bitterly, regretting his tone when the older mans eyes closed and his shoulder tensed. "I was just worried."  
Silence.   
"I'm sorry." He repeated sincerely, a few moments later.  
"Did you worry about me at all?" Elk asked, avoiding the apology.  
"No." It was extremely simple, an honest reply, but it was enough to send the boy over the edge. He stepped forward, clinging to the man's shirt, forcing his face down to his level.  
"Dammit, Shu! Don't I matter to you at all?!" He shouted, not taking into account the sleeping residents of the building. "I was worried SICK over you! Those strange dreams were welcome if they'd take my mind off of the fact that you could've been dead back then! Were you dead? Or maybe floating out in the sea dying some kinda slow horrible death? Worse, were you blaming yourself for what you thought was my death?! You're a major worrywart and you blame yourself for everything!" He stopped to catch his breath and finally think about what he was saying. He sounded pissed that the man wasn't insane from guilt like he usually was, even though nothing could remotely be considered his fault... No, no, he was glad that Shu was mentally alright... Shu's mental state was another stress factor in Elk's mind when he rationed that he might still be alive back then.  
"I believe in you." Was his incredibly calm reply. Elk was about to go off at him for taking his mental trauma so lightly when the words finally registered in his head.  
"You.... believe in me?"   
The Ninja nodded. "I trust in your skill and spirit. You're a strong boy."  
"Oh." The hunter replied dumbfoundedly. It took him a moment to gather himself from the compliment before his anger set in again. "Well, you over estimated me! I was NOT okay! I was scared! I was sick! I thought you were dead! Don't you get it?! I NEED you to have that spirit! I can be strong because of you..."  
A hand slipped down the shaking boys back, rubbing to calm him. Shu coaxed the boy back towards the wall so he could relax, hoping to keep the boy from waking up whoever might still be sleeping. "Because of me?" He questioned.  
"Yes! Because of YOU. You remember when you first brought me here? I was quiet, scared, always contemplating those nightmares?"  
Shu hesitated. "Yes. You were exhausted physically when I'd found you. It's to be expected from anyone found in the middle of the desert. Physical trauma, heat stro--"  
"Yeah, yeah, that was all a factor. I was probably always like I am now, but the reason I can still be like that is because of you. While thinking about my nightmares I thought to myself that coming out of that alive and being found in the middle of nowhere by someone as nice as you were a miracle... But you're no act of God. You're sure as hell no angel, you've got your skeletons... But that makes me lo-like you even more." He almost said love. Love? 'Family sense. In a family sense.' "Because even with your past you carry on great... and no matter what happens to me, I'll have you. No matter what kinda hellish past I had, you're here now. I've got a present."  
"I really think you'd have been alright without me."  
Elk sighed, defeated. "I don't wanna be without you."  
A familiar faint smile crossed the Ninja's face and he urged the boy back torwards the room. "I'll do what I can to prevent being the cause of stress for you that I tend to be so often."  
"So you promise not to die without telling me?"  
"How to you propose I inform you of my death?"  
The hunter shook his head hopelessly. "Shu, you're such an asshole." His hand rested on the door knob a moment. "Listen," He began edgily. "The reason... all this bug--"  
"I love you, too." Shu assured, musing the boys hair, putting his hand over the boys on the knob to open the door and slipping in to the room.  
'How the hell did he know...?' Elk blinked, watching the ninja get comfortable against the wall. He sighed and plopped down on the couch, deciding Shu had used dirty ninja tricks and that was how he knew.  
  
Lieza smiled as she watched Elk, for the first time in several days, get comfortable in his designated sleeping area. She wanted to be what kept him going, like Shu was.... But so long as someone kept his beautiful heart strong, it was alright. A part of her was a little jealous, knowing she coudln't have Elk. But a larger part of her was glad that the one he loved returned the feelings.   
  
Shu sat by the wall, his breathing undetectable. He hadn't really known Elk was in love until the boy had exploded at him and he suspected it wouldn't last long. This 'love' was more like a strong gratitude for saving him. Soon, Elk would come to realize things more important, such as living the life Shu had saved him to live. He'd never had much interaction with girls or making real friends in the time Shu'd known the boy... His head hurt thinking about the grandiose plot they'd gotten caught up in. Elk would need to gain trust and bonds with his companions and would eventually fall for Lieza... but she was a good girl. She'd return the feelings and take good care of him. They'd be happy... and even though he loved Elk, he couldn't help feeling good that he'd fall in love with someone else.. then Shu could risk his life without worry of the boy's grief to make his dreams come true. More then to be his lover, he wanted him to be happy, after all. 


End file.
